I was sitting in my Wednesday morning Bible study class. We were studing A Woman's Heart God's Dwelling Place by Beth Moore. This particular morning we were looking at John 15 and studying about The Vine and the Branches. Beth was teaching that sometimes we hold on to last seasons fruit in our lives so much so that we are left with a handful of splinters. We fight the pruning process. God began to speak to me and it became very obvious that I was indeed holding on with all my might to last seasons fruit. I was comfortable with last season's fruit. It was easy for me.
Last seasons fruit in my life was the Women's Ministry that I was leading at the time. I had led the women at my church for ten years. And I loved it!
That Wednesday morning I sat for most of our class with tears in my eyes. God was doing a number on my heart. God reminded me of something that months earlier I had dismissed. I had felt His nudging to write a Bible study but quickly dismissed it because I felt I could not do it. So, I guess I reasoned that since I wasn't comfortable with the idea surely it wasn't from God. I knew better because I have lived my Christian life long enough to know that God's first priority is not my comfort zone. But still I ran from it until that particular Wednesday when He would not allow me to run any more.
As soon as Bible study was over, I went straight in to my Pastor's office and resigned as the Women's Ministry leader. I knew I had to act immediately otherwise I might decide to pick up my running shoes and run some more.
This all happened back in November. I would love to tell you that I have been busy writing and have everything all in order. But the truth is that God has been working on some areas in my heart that He does not want to come on this journey with me. The last several months have been hard. I have really struggled. I have gone from being a "doer" to just letting God still me.
My current passion is to be about the good work that God created in advance for me to do. (Ephesians 2:10) I do not want to miss what God had put me here to do. I feel it is through writing, which is totally a God thing because I never would have dreamed this in my wildest of dreams. But isn't that the beauty of God that He has plans that we could never dream of.
So that it why I am writing this post. Lysa TerKeurst, President of Proverbs 31 Ministries, posted on her blog an opportunity to win a scholarship to the She Speaks conference. This is a conference that Proverbs 31 Ministries hosts for those who feel called to speak, write, work in women's ministry and also for teens who want to lead in their generation. You can find out all about the conference by clicking here. And if you are not familiar with Proverbs 31 Ministries, you should go here to check out their website. They can provide you with tons of encouragement.
I attended the conference several years ago and participated in the Speakers track. To say it was a life changing experience is an understatement. I experienced the presence of God like I never have before. I struggle even today to find the words to describe my weekend. I remember being so intimidated as I walked in the conference room not knowing anyone. But what I quickly realized was that we all had something in common. We were all carrying around our dreams. It was not a competition to see who would emerge as the best speaker or walk away with a book deal. It was a place of refuge where we could all come, with dreams in hand, and peal back the coverings that we had placed to protect our dreams. And as they were laid out in the open for everyone to see, God gave them flight. He breathed life into them, He gave us His confidence and He equipped us through the efforts of the Proverbs 31 team.
Today is the last day to enter for the scholarship. I have prayed if this is God's will for me; if it is meant for me to go back. You see I never want to run ahead of God but I also do not ever want to lag behind. As of this morning, I did not have a clear answer. So I began to pray. I sat down at the computer and just cried out to God. And the words of this song came to my mind and I began to sing it to the Lord in my heart:
O God You are my God and I will ever praise You
O God You are my God and I will ever seek You
I will seek you in the morning
I will turn to walk in Your ways
Step by step You lead me and I will follow You all of my days!
I believe in my heart that writing this post was the next step for me. Only God knows if I will win the scholarship. But I will continue to follow Him all my days as He leads me step by step!
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