Monday, December 10, 2012

The Reality of Isaiah 55:8-9

I originally wrote this post two weeks ago but did not post it ...

Since we returned home over a week ago, the little case of Polly Pockets that we took to Africa with us has sat just inside our door leading from the garage.  These were the toys that Brenda played with and she loved them.  The case has sat undisturbed because I could not force myself to open it.  I even vacuumed around it last week.  I wasn't sure how long it would sit there.  I was prepared to leave it there forever.

But tonight I felt that I needed to open it.  I needed to hold the tiny, rubber clothes that frustrated the ebony hands that tried to place them on the dolls.  I needed to hold the purple sunglasses that were so smudged with fingerprints because they were her fingerprints.  And then there was this tiny basket...
On Tuesday, we took Brenda to downtown Jinja.  We were visiting with Florence in our favorite store and introducing her to Brenda.  We were also picking up a few handmade items.  Brenda was standing right by me and I see her reach all the way into this shelf.  This little basket is what she pulled out.  She looked up at me and smiled really big while she put this in our basket of items.  I started to laugh and told her she could get the little basket.  When we got back to our room, I quickly learned why she wanted the basket.  She loved putting her little doll items in it. 
So tonight when I opened the case and pulled out the little basket, this is what I found.  My heart sank as I thought of the new Hello Kitty purse that was on her bed waiting for her to get here.  Oh how she would have loved having a purse to put things in.  I miss her so much!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  Isaiah 55:8-9

The reality of these two verses has played out in our lives over the past week.  I have quoted this verse numerous times but I now know the cavern that exists between my ways and thoughts and His ways and thoughts. 

I do not pretend to understand for one second how leaving the little girl that I love behind is best.  I do not understand.  And yet, I know without a doubt that those were His instructions.  It had nothing and everything to do with her if that makes any sense.

We did not wake up on Wednesday, November 21st suddenly feeling that we didn't love her and couldn't parent her.  It was quite the opposite.  We woke up still very much in love with her.  Yes, this was going to be a challenge but we knew that going in to it.  But we were suppose to be together.  We had taken to eachother so easily.  She was desperate for the love of a mom and dad and we were more than eager to give it.  But then we felt God saying stop.  And while this was the most difficult thing we have ever done, we knew we had to obey Him. 

There are remnants of Brenda still littered all over our house.  I almost don't see them when I walk by but I know they are there. I am still not to the point that I can give them away or pack them all up.  She is such a part of my heart that I need to see evidence of her in my world. 

post signature