Monday, December 29, 2008

Tears of Disappointment

Christmas morning for me this year was not at all what I had pictured. In my mind, two children would squeal with delight over the gifts they received, my husband would love everything I picked out for him and everything would be perfect. Or at least that is how I envisioned it.

The reality of my Christmas morning was really quite different.

For the first time tears were shed and they were not the "I'm so happy" tears. No, these were tears of disappointment. Apparently, something that was mentioned in passing was really #1 on the Christmas list and my dear sweet child could not hold back the tears when it did not appear under the tree.

I sat getting more angry by the second. I mean did no one realize how much work I put in to everything that was under the tree. Did I need to shout so the neighborhood could hear that I had not been to bed before 2:00 am the two nights leading up to Christmas? Did anyone care about everything I had done?

No, not really! In that moment, no one cared!

We finished opening our presents and I headed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for our family that was coming. All the while I was just mad and now I was the one disappointed. I was disappointed that Christmas morning was not how I had planned it.

I bowed my head and began to pray. I began retelling the events of the morning to my Heavenly Father like a two year old tattling on someone. I was definitely pleading my case.

Then God began to speak to my heart and it was something like this "People still don't accept and appreciate The Gift I have given." "Are you really going to miss what Christmas is really all about?" "You know it is not about anything that you had wrapped under that tree."

Tears began to roll down my face as I thought about how it must make God feel when we totally ignore His Son, The Christ, Emmanuel, Savior.

How He must feel when we act less than excited over The Gift that He gave to the world.

I stood in my kitchen speechless. All I could do was raise my hands to the heavens and praise my God for His indescribable gift.

My prayer leading up to Christmas was "Please don't let me miss what Christmas is really all about." I am so thankful that God answered that prayer even if it took tears of disappointment for me to realize it.

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