Sunday, July 26, 2009

Why Ladies, Why?

I probably shouldn't even include the female gender in my assumption, but I do have a feeling on this one that I am not alone.

I want to take you back to my last week. Just to give you an up close look into the craziness of who I am. My birthday was this past week and so earlier in the week my husband and I had a conversation that went something like this..."I don't really know what to get you for your birthday this year. And you know what I usually do when I don't know what to get." I replied "Yes, you usually buy me Brighton jewerly or a Vera Bradley purse and I do not need either one." To which he replies, "Yes and I usually spend way too much ." I said, "Well, I don't really know what to tell you because I don't have anything on my mind that I have been wanting. I would rather that you did not get me anything than to spend money on something I don't need." And then we start talking about something else.

Well, Saturday came (my birthday) and I have to say that I was lonely. I woke up in my house all alone. My daughter was at my sister's house and my son was at a friend's house and my husband was at a men's conference. My husband came in after I went to bed and then left before I woke up. I will be honest and tell you that I was hoping to walk into the kitchen to see a big bouquet of flowers and a card sitting on the counter. Instead all I saw were dirty dishes in the sink.

I then headed toward our bathroom because I thought surely he had some acknowledgement of my birthday sitting on the counter or something. No, nothing was there. Mid morning he did call me from the conference and wish me a happy birthday. I did think that was very thoughtful and I was appreciative.

Well, our Saturday progressed and we were both headed in different directions accomplishing our tasks.

Finally around 4:00 we are both home together. We walks over to me and hands me a card and a bag from a store. Inside was a costume necklace and earrings in the same color that he gave me for Valentine's Day. And may I add that I only own one thing that color and it is a shirt that I bought after he gave the first necklace on Valentine's Day.

Now let me just pause for a minute because some of you are probably thinking how ungrateful I am and that you would love for your husbands to pick you out a necklace and blah, blah, blah. I know I have already heard this from my sister because her husband is not the gift giving type.

I was not upset over the necklace. I was upset over the fact that I know he did not purchase the necklace until about 30 minutes before he gave it to me. And did he not know that he had already given me a necklace that looked very similar. Did he not know that I don't really wear that color. Did he not know that I saw him writing in my card two minutes before he handed it to me. I just felt forgotten and I was not happy about it. My family celebrated my birthday, but it was just not the same as my husband.

Well, in good ole fashion, I made him pay. He received the silent treatment and the cold shoulder. Finally that night before going to bed we talked about it but I was not through being mad at him because I felt he was not sorry enough for his actions. (Ha, Ha) You can laugh, but you know what I am talking about. He has not suffered enough for how he made me feel.

He honestly did not understand why I was upset and I honestly did not understand why he did not understand why I was upset!

So, I went to bed mad. Yes, I did!

I know the scripture about not letting the sun go down on your wrath. I know, I KNOW!
I did get up this morning and apologize. I was very thankful that the Lord granted me another morning so I could ask for forgiveness. And then, it all became clear to me.
  1. The main thing my husband heard from our conversation earlier in the week was "Don't get me anything."
  2. He was proud of himself for picking out a necklace and earrings. I mean I told him not to get me anything, so the fact that he got me something was a huge bonus.
  3. I vaguely remember saying the words "don't get me anything" but secretly meant read my mind and buy me something that I don't even know I want.
  4. My feelings about the conversation earlier in the week were you should know me so well and love me so much that you do not even need to ask. Just surprise me! My thoughts were ... I will not tell you this because you should just figure this out...your gift will not be just a gift but an expression of how much you love and adore me.

With my feelings and secret mind language, how could the man win?

He couldn't because my expectations were unrealistic. He has not been given the gift of mind reading. Even after years of being married, we just do not think alike. And here is the kicker, that is the way God designed us.

So, what did I learn from this whole thing?

Well, I learned that communication is key. I should not say things that I do not mean because my husband never received his secret meaning of my words decoder ring. I was also reminded that my anger hurts me alot worse than the other person. It is really not worth hanging on to.

So, I guess you could say that my birthday present this year was a little wisdom!

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