Asking for help is something that I rarely do. I always use to think that I didn't ask because I didn't want to inconvenience anyone but the reality is that pride didn't want me to admit that I needed help.
That was until November 22nd ...the day I left Uganda without the daughter I went to get.
Physically I was still in one piece, but inside I was broken so badly that sometimes I wondered if I could catch my breath. I arrived back in Atlanta dragging a mangled heart wondering if it would ever be whole again.
I clung to the promise that Jesus came to "bind up the broken hearted" and knew that He was my only hope. The tears were plentiful and the words few. I did not have the vocabulary to voice the pain and hurt to Him. Instead I just asked to sit in His presence and that is when the piecing back together began.
And just when I thought that I had somewhat of a handle on things and somewhat of an understanding of why things might have happened, I was quickly reminded that neither of these things are true.
Through this experience I have learned something about myself. I realized that I have spent much of my life trying to concoct the recipe for manna.
After my first trip to Africa, I learned that I live most of my days not having to depend on God. I have organized and arranged my life to where I am self sufficient, which has caused me to think that I can cook manna.
In the Old Testament manna was the bread from Heaven that fell every morning to feed the Israelites. They were given instructions on how much to collect for the day. It was only enough to feed them for that day. The only day that they could collect two days worth was on the day before the Sabbath.
When greedy, disobedient hearts tried to gather too much and store it away Scripture tells us that the manna got magots in it and was rotten.
God set up this system so that His chosen people would depend on Him daily.
They weren't given the recipe for manna because God wanted them to see their need for Him; their daily need for Him.
I wasn't created to be independent but to be dependent!
I was not created to be independent but to be dependent!
That has been the hardest lesson for me to learn. It goes against the independent vein in me that runs deep. I have to fight against this daily. God has to harness that run away mustang in me because whoa nelly is she a wild one.
I don't know a tremendous amount about horses. My dad loves horses and has owned one several times throughout his life. I have learned that when a horse is independent and wild you have to break them of it.
I guess the same holds true for almost forty, hard headed, strong willed lovers of God who think they can cook up their own batch of manna!
I was not created to be independent but to daily depend on Him!
No comments:
Post a Comment